One is silver, the other gold.
A circle is round, it has no end.
That's how long I will be your friend.
Life comes full circle, you know? With all of the wedding planning happening, with all of the cyber-shopping and perusing (read: snagging and making my own) ideas for the wedding, I've been blessed to find there are some things falling into place.
First...I have a secret (shhhhhh.....) Okay, really, it's no secret, but it's not something I talk much about. Many moons ago, I was a married woman. For about, a year. Yah, I was young and in love (read: not ready). But, like all decisions that are made hastily and without much reason or experience, we changed our minds and decided marriage wasn't the best idea. Well, not the best idea for us. Thankfully, a decade later and a ton of heartache, er, experience under my belt, I'm finally ready to let go of the notion that marriage isn't for me. I am getting married to my best friend. Finally.
So, why is this so important? Why does this matter? It was 10 years ago woman! Let.It.Go. Right?
Right.
But, sometimes something in the pit of your stomach makes you want to see a sign that says it's right. Deep down I wanted a sign that would close my past, and open the door of my new life with my husband.
Ask and you shall receive...
Two events happened to remind me that God exists, and sometimes we just have to be patient - the signs come. After a decade of moving on with my life, the other day I ran into my ex-husband at the grocery store. I was shaking, and I was with my son, and I did not look the way that I would have hoped to look if I happened to run into my ex. You know, wearing your best outfit and looking fabulous, wishing someone from your past would run into you. It wasn't one of those days. Oh no, it was frumpy sweater and hair-pulled-back-in-a-clip day. And in your mind, when this moment happens, you hope to be witty and say something profound. But you don't, because even though in your mind you've prepare for this moment, you really don't. In fact, I rambled on about absolutely nothing. I did however get out the one thing I knew I had to say:
This is my son. And I'm getting married to his father this summer.
Now, it wasn't like a let me rub this in your face kind of moment. It was an, "I'm okay. You're okay" kind of moment. He showed me pictures of his daughter, and we moved along. But with that moment, I was able to put all of those insecurities that come with getting married to rest. I am making the right decision. This time, it is right.
But, after such an experience you can lead yourself to believe it's okay to forget about your past; that the person you were is not the person you are. Not so. Through a crazy coincidence and a little luck (read: Google) I found my old best friend. She and I grew up two doors down from each other, and we spent many summers swimming in the lake we lived on. I have been passively trying to find her for years, and only recently was I lucky enough to find her. By strange coincidence, she's here in state for a few months, and after over 15 years of not seeing her, we've had the opportunity to rekindle our friendship. It's a blessing. She is a blessing.
Why do these events seem related to me? I've been given a glimpse of my past from two very different perspectives. Both remind me of where I've been and where I'm going. It's allowed me to step back for a moment and reflect on what I have, what I left behind, what I thought I lost, and what I've found.
I have a blessed life. I have amazing friends that are more like sisters; they are my world. But my life wouldn't be the way that it is now if I didn't experience my past. Good and bad. My friendship growing up taught me to love and laugh uncontrollably, and to be a friend without judging. My failed marriage reminded me that sometimes we need to trip and fall a couple of times before we can get it right.
These lessons have made me the friend, the mother, the lover I am today. And the introduction of my past into my present? They're here to remind me that life is good. God is good. And things will only get better.
